We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
