we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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