Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
