Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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