No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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