when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
