You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
