we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
