OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
