somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You pole danced in your parka.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
