I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
