Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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