Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
