His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
