apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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