I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
