Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
