Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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