I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
false alarm. still invincible.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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