saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
