I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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