As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
