What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
