You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
