how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
