he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
