Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
