I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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