So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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