Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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