jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Panties = found
Randomize
