it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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