I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
