i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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