I could make wine with my vomit
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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