it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
