hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
