I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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