u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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