your parents love me but you hate me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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