I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
