I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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