I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize