omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
