is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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