is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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