drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
