I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I smell stomach acid.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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