dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wish my penis had a tongue
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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