Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
