I wish I could punch you in the face.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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