Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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