hotel room ftw
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
