dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize