I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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