I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
