On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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