The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...