dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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