I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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