i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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