I got chris browned last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
