Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
