The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
