Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Will you blow on my dice?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
