GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
