This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
