I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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