I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
