Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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