took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
