I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize