i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
