im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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