I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
