please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
