your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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