i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
